


Phantom Soul

by Coby_Thinks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Amputation, Angst, M/M, Multi, Soulmates, Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, Weird, funnily enough this is the second fic i have where Roman loses an arm, phantom pains, probably inaccurate medical stuff, sorry I'm not a doctor/genius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coby_Thinks/pseuds/Coby_Thinks
Summary: There were a lot of things the doctors had told him about after the accident. To be fair, Roman had had a lot of questions. He’d been twelve - twelve-year-olds ask questions. Could he still act? Would he be able to drive when he turned 16? Was there a potential for ghosts to be able to communicate with him through phantom pains? Questions like that. It was a traumatic thing, for a twelve-year-old to lose his entire right arm. There were a lot of things to discuss and questions to answer.No one, in six years, had thought to warn Roman about this.He hadn’t even thought of it, truly.One generally didn’t want to associate their soulmates with traumatic injuries.WARNINGS: mentions of injuries, amputations, probably inaccurate medical terminology, sickness, food mentions, angst, self-deprecation.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 174





	Phantom Soul

There were a lot of things the doctors had told him about after the accident. To be fair, Roman had had a lot of questions. He’d been twelve - twelve-year-olds ask questions. Could he still act? Would he be able to drive when he turned 16? Was there a potential for ghosts to be able to communicate with him through phantom pains? Questions like that. It was a traumatic thing, for a twelve-year-old to lose his entire right arm. There were a lot of things to discuss and questions to answer.

No one, in six years, had thought to warn Roman about this.

He hadn’t even thought of it, truly. 

One generally didn’t want to associate their soulmates with traumatic injuries.

However, Roman really wished he’d thought to ask someone beforehand.

“What.” Roman flinched. “The. Fuck.” he reached toward the empty space on his right side - but obviously, that did nothing to stop the strange phantom sensation tickling him.

“What?” Remus looked up from his phone, eyebrow raised. Roman swiped at his side again, but the sensation continued - stronger than before. “Roman? Is it a ghost finally communicating with you?”

“I don’t know!” Roman swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head. “It feels like… someone’s drawing on my arm.” His arm that no longer existed, that is.

Wait.

Oh, no. Oh no.

“It’s happening!” Remus’s face lit up and he scrambled to Roman’s side, leaning on his good side dramatically. “You’ve got a soulmate!”

“I…” Roman blinked back tears as he tried once more - even though he knew it wouldn’t do anything - to interrupt the feeling. “I can’t…”

“Oh.” Remus gasped and Roman looked over to see writing appear on his brother’s arm as well - his left one. Of course, of the two of them, Roman’s soulmate was left-handed and wrote on their right arm. “Oh no - Roman…”

“It’s fine.” Roman pushed his brother away and stood up, holding back a sob that was rising in his chest. “Write to them, Ree. I’ll be fine, I’ll…”

“Are you sure?” Remus asked, gaze darting from Roman to his arm, where two different colored pens were scribbling. He had two. Good. Good for him.

Roman didn’t answer, turning away and hurrying to his room.

“Roman, wait!”

Roman leaned against the door, shoulders shaking as he tried to contain himself. He could still feel the writing where his arm should be, moving up as his soulmate took up space. Why were they writing so much? Why did this have to happen? Roman put his hand over his mouth to stifle a sob, tears rolling down his face. 

He’d always been so excited about the idea of soulmates. He’d never let the accident get in the way of that.

Now, though, he realized.

He couldn't see what they wrote. And he couldn't write to them unless it was on his legs or something. How stupid was that? Would they even want a soulmate who was broken? Not likely.

What was he supposed to do? 

“Roman, please talk to me,” Remus begged from the other side of the door. “I could write to them on your arm for you - you could just explain!”

“Write to your own goddamn soulmates.” Roman grit out, choking back sobs. “And leave me alone!”

“Roman!” Remus whined. Roman didn’t reply, just closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sensations of his soulmate’s writing. “Roman, don’t do this. I swear to god if you ignore me and your soulmate because of some stupid accident… SAY SOMETHING!”

Remus tried for a good half hour to get Roman to talk, before eventually walking away. Roman hoped he was talking to his own soulmates, getting to know them. Roman eventually fell into his bed, burying himself in blankets and pillows and trying to ignore the tingling where his arm used to be.

He hated everything about this. Including his soulmate.

* * *

Eventually, Roman figured out that he had more than one soulmate. He couldn't be sure if it was more than two, as they usually wrote on their right arms, but it just made him feel worse.

Like, the universe knew this would happen. So it gave his soulmates an extra so that they didn’t have to settle for a broken person. 

He hadn’t written back yet.

How could he? The only way would be to let another person do it - which was never going to happen - or to write on his leg or stomach or something. It had been weeks already - what was he supposed to say about that? He couldn't just lie about his birthday. And who knew if they’d want him anyway, after learning about his arm?

No, Roman figured it would be best to just ignore them. It tore him up inside, but it was for the best.

Not only that, but both (or all?) of his soulmates were left-handed. So the only way to talk to him would be to write with their non-dominant hand or have a lot of skin showing whenever they needed to, and both of those things were ridiculous.

“You okay?” Remus leaned on the back of the couch while Roman watched a Disney movie. He hadn’t talked to Roman about the soulmate thing since their birthday, but Roman could tell he was worried. It drove him insane. He was tired of people being worried about him.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Roman glanced back, catching sight of the writing on Remus’s arm. He smiled. “Tell me about them.”

“What?” Remus scowled.

“Your soulmates.” Roman reached up, pulling Remus over the couch so that he flopped roughly onto the cushions. Remus made a face, righting himself.

“My soulmates?”

“Only if you want to,” Roman said quickly, looking back at the television screen. “Sorry, I guess it’s personal.”

“Of course I want to!” Remus’s face lit up. “I just didn’t want to make you feel bad or anything.”

“I wanna hear about them,” Roman promised.

“Alright.” Remus grinned. “Well, first there’s Logan. Gosh, he’s so smart! He’s nineteen already - he started talking to Patton months ago and they were shocked to hear they had a third! Logan is a genius and Patton is a puffball, they’re both so sweet!” Roman smiled as his brother gushed about them. “They both live in Florida, too, actually. A few hours away each. I’m right in the middle! Patton’s down south, and Logan’s right up near the border. We’re going to meet up someday - you should totally meet them, too!”

“Maybe.”

“It makes sense to meet here since it’s right in the middle.” Remus continued excitedly. “One sec!” he pulled a marker from his pocket, biting the cap off as he scribbled in an empty space on his forearm .”I’ve told them so much about you! Not… about your arm or anything, just you.”

“Yeah?” Roman laughed, watching as a conversation began. “Tell them I say hi.”

“Okay!” Remus giggled, scribbling it down. Bubbly handwriting replied first, in light blue.

‘Hi, Roman! <3’

Followed by a darker, neater print.

‘Salutations. Remus talks about you often.’

“Do you know.” Roman kneed Remus lightly in the side and Remus giggled.

“What? Just about how annoying and obnoxious you are!”

“Obnoxious? Look who’s talking!” Roman poked Remus in the forehead. “You’re way more obnoxious than I am!”

“I am not!” Remus stuck out his tongue, then doodled a small picture on the joint of his elbow.

‘REMUS!’ the light blue protested. Roman squinted, then laughed as he saw his brother had drawn a dick.

“Dude, really? Are you fourteen?” he teased.

“Patton just freaks out, it’s funny.” Remus scoffed, quickly drawing a heart over the image and filling it in, effectively hiding it.

“Ah, give me that.” Roman laughed, snatching the marker away. Remus reached for it, but Roman managed to pin him down and draw a messy mustache on his face. 

One perk of being an amputee, your brother is afraid of pushing you off the couch.

“Roman!” Remus shrieked, wiggling out from underneath him. “No fair! What did you do?”

“Facial hair suits you.” Roman laughed.

“Yeah?” Remus snatched the pen, pushing Roman against the cushions and filling in the space between his eyebrows. “Well, you look swell with a unibrow!”

“Remus!” Roman snapped, heart pounding as he felt a phantom tickle again. Remus’s eyes widened and he sat back, looking guilty. “Wh- why did you do that?”

“I forgot!” Remus insisted. Roman ignored him, shooting to his feet to get to the bathroom as he felt a ticking on his face as well.

His reflection showed, to his dismay, two differently colored question marks on his forehead. He assumed his soulmates had written on their right arms, and figured out neither of them had drawn it.

“Roman, I’m sorry,” Remus said from the doorway. “I didn’t-”

“Shut up!” Roman threw a towel at him and Remus caught it, throwing it back. “Get away from me!”

“Let me help you wash it off,” Remus said softly.

“I can wash my own…” Roman sighed, glaring at the counter, where only one hand rested. “Fine. but I don’t want to talk to you.” 

Remus nodded, grabbing a washcloth and some rubbing alcohol before setting to work on removing the sharpie from Roman’s face. Roman saw Patton and Logan writing on Remus’s arms, asking him why he’d suddenly stopped writing.

He hated this.

* * *

Roman didn’t end up going with Remus to meet Logan and Patton. He didn’t want to. He hadn’t even spoken to Remus since the incident - and it had been almost two months.

Sure, he felt bad. And he knew Remus was sorry and hadn’t meant it.

But he was still furious. Writing had started to appear on his left arm as well, but only sometimes. Occasionally, a single question mark would sit on the back of - probably both - of his hands. He felt them draw it on both, at least.

Roman didn’t intend to write back. Ever. 

The idea made him want to scream. But so did the idea of his soulmates rejecting him.

He usually didn’t run errands. Neither parent ever asked him to do anything, after the accident. It was annoying, to say the least. But Remus was feeling sick, and both parents were out, and Roman was going to go insane if one more person acted like he couldn't do something as simple as going to the store for lightbulbs and milk.

It was only a few blocks away, anyway. So he walked. It was rainy, but that just gave him an excuse to wear a hoodie. It helped hide both his missing limb and the writing on his left hand. Sure, the doodles had gotten more and more elaborate, but no one would care about that anyway.

Or so Roman thought.

“Why the heck would we need that many lightbulbs?” Roman glanced over at the couple a few yards away, bickering good-naturedly.

“Do you know how many light fixtures are in a new place? Probably a lot. Sure, it’s a small apartment, but who knows how many of the existing bulbs will work? At all?”

“But that’s ridiculous.” The first one - wearing a sleeveless jean jacket that showed off the random scribbled and doodles on both arms - insisted. 

Roman froze, hand on a box of lightbulbs when he spotted the large question mark on the person's hand. On both. One was yellow, one was purple. The other - wearing a big purple sweatshirt, also had them.

Shit.

Roman tried to force himself to look away, get the lightbulbs and get out of there. He slowly turned back to the shelf, stomach twisting as he piled two boxes into the cart.

“What’s ridiculous is the fact you don’t want to be prepared!” sweatshirt snapped, turning to dump two more boxes into their already fairly full cart. Roman accidentally met his eyes, and the person's brow furrowed slightly.

“We live two minutes away - if we need more we can- Virgil?” Roman turned away, pushing his cart awkwardly toward the end of the aisle. Man, he really should get out and do more things. He could function, but he rarely used a shopping cart.

“Hey, wait!” sweatshirt - Virgil? - ran after him and grabbed Roman’s bad shoulder. Roman halted immediately, phantom vibrations tingling through it. “O-oh, sorry,” the hand vanished moments later. “I didn’t… your sweatshirt is baggy, I-”

“It, uh, it’s okay.” Roman turned around slowly, stuffing his hand in the pocket of his jacket. “What’s up?”

“What are you doing?” jean jacket asked, slinging an arm around Virgil’s shoulder. The question mark seemed to taunt Roman, blatant and an exact match. 

“Dee…” Virgil glanced at Roman awkwardly. Roman looked at the ground, heart pounding. Fuck. This was bad. This was bad, it was so incredibly bad. “Uh, sorry. I’m Virgil, who’re you?”

“Uh, Roman.” Roman swallowed the lump in his throat. Maybe he could get through this. Maybe Virgil hadn’t seen it. “Can I help you?”

“I just…” Virgil laughed awkwardly, all confidence gone. Roman felt awful. “I thought I saw… I thought I saw something on your hand.” Roman sighed, closing his eyes.

Of course, he had to meet them. God, if he hadn’t run into them, it would have been fine. But this was different than just not writing. Because now… now they were real.

He reluctantly pulled his hand out of his pocket, shaking the sleeve back and holding it up, not opening his eyes.

“Holy shit.” Dee gasped. “It’s you! We found you!”

“Wh- I’m the one who noticed!” Virgil protested jokingly. Roman opened his eyes, watching them curiously. “Dude, we’ve been wondering for ages what happened to you!”

“I-I…” Roman swallowed nervously, messing with the empty sleeve on his right side. “Um…”

“Wait,” Dee pushed past Virgil, just a step as his eyes widened. “Oh. Wow, I’ve never… what does it do when… Oh, Roman.”

“It’s kind of a long story.” Roman managed, voice shaking. “Um… sorry to disappoint, I guess.”

“Disappoint?” Virgil asked incredulously. “What do you mean?”

“What, you’re saying you aren’t bothered?” Roman asked bitterly, blinking back tears. “Bothered by the fact that I can’t see anything you write? The fact that you’re destined to be with someone who isn’t even a whole person? It doesn’t bother you at all that I refused to write back for months because I hate it so much? Yeah right.”

“No, it doesn’t bother me!” Virgil snapped. 

Roman winced, looking to the floor. This was all wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen - not in a stupid wal-mart. He just wanted to help, and get some groceries. He hadn’t even told anyone where he was going. How was he assuming he’d carry milk and bags home with one arm? What was he supposed to do with his soulmates standing there and realizing how pathetic he was? 

What was he supposed to do?

“Virgil,” Dee spoke softly, pulling him back. Roman reached backward, gripping his shopping cart tightly. “Roman, breathe. Just breathe. It’s alright. We aren’t disappointed, and we aren’t angry. You’re having a lot of anxiety right now, just breathe.”

“Fuck, my bad.” Virgil groaned. “I didn’t-”

“It was an accident, don’t you get worked up too.” Dee laughed lightly. “Roman, can I touch you?”

“Y-yeah, I guess.” Roman choked out, opening his eyes when Dee put his hands on Roman’s shoulders. He noticed curiously that his soulmate's eyes were two different colors, one brown and one a light greenish-yellow. The strange detail seemed to calm him, and he scanned Dee’s face curiously.

“Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah.” Roman let go of the cart, wiping his eyes. “Sorry, I… I’m kinda an idiot. I do things without thinking, and I shouldn’t really even be here right now. Then when you… when I saw you… I kinda panicked.”

“Understandable.” Dee smiled lightly, then kissed Roman’s forehead. Roman’s heart sped up again, but not from anxiety. “You being the way you are does nothing to lessen how much we care for you.”

“Hell no, it doesn’t.” Virgil agreed gruffly.

“But if you still have no desire for soulmates, we’ll understand.” Dee continued, stepping back to give Roman space. “We’ve spoken a lot, the past few months, about the situation.”

“Right.” Roman’s face flushed as he realized how confused they must have been. Man, he was an awful soulmate. “Uhm…”

“It’s your decision to make,” Dee promised. 

“I…” Roman felt his face heat up as more tears flooded his eyes. “Um… I do. Want… soulmates. I mean, I never… I just kinda freaked out when I first felt you guys writing.”

“In that case,” Dee smiled, taking Virgil’s hand gently. “Why don’t we spend some time and talk? Unless you’re busy, that is.”

“Not really.” Roman glanced at the groceries and winced. “Well, I was trying to get groceries. My parents never let me do anything - haven’t for six years now - but I wanted to help out since Remus is sick.”

“Remus?” Virgil tilted his head slightly.

“My twin.” Roman sighed guiltily. “He’s… he’s the one who gave me a unibrow a couple of months ago. Payback for his mustache.”

“Makes sense.” Virgil grinned, amused. “Well, we can help you get these home if you want. We can talk, too.”

“That’d be nice.” Roman rubbed the last tears away, laughing. “I… kinda forgot about the fact I wouldn’t be able to carry them home by myself.”

“Well, now you don’t have to.”

* * *

“Roman!” Roman winced, looking to where his brother had migrated to the kitchen table while he was gone, voice congested from his cold. “Where were you! You just vanished, and you didn’t take your phone, and- when did you meet Virgil and Dee?”

“What?” Roman glanced behind him, where his soulmates were bickering over who could carry more, despite the fact that there wasn’t really a lot to carry. “How do you know them?”

“Hi, Remus,” Virgil said, finally abandoning Dee outside as he carried in the milk. “Don’t get me sick or I’ll murder you.”

“You know Remus?” Roman asked incredulously.

“Unfortunately.” Dee dumped the lightbulbs on the table, then put his hands on his hips. 

“What is going on?” Remus demanded, standing up and swaying slightly. “Where were you?”

“Wal-mart,” Roman muttered, feeling guilty all over again. “I was just trying to help out, okay? I didn’t mean to be gone so long.”

“So why were you?”

“They’re…” Roman sighed, shaking the sleeve of his jacket back again and showing Remus the doodles on his hand, witch matched Dee’s perfectly. “How do you know them?”

“They were at the library when Logan and Patt were in town.” Remus sniffled, sitting back down and grabbing a tissue. “We’re friends now.”

“I wouldn’t say friends,” Virgil muttered.

“I’d have a lot more to say if it didn’t feel like my head was about to explode,” Remus muttered, gathering his blankets and standing up. “I’m going back to my room. If you guys have sex, keep it down.”

“What the hell, Remus!?” Roman yelled at his brothers retreating back. “We- oh my god. I’m sorry.”

“It’s Remus.” Dee laughed, leaning on the counter. “I expected worse, to be honest.”

“He’s sick,” Roman muttered. “Or it would have been.”

“Well, what do we do now?” Virgil wondered awkwardly. “Have sex?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Dee rolled his eyes and Virgil laughed.

“Let’s sit in the living room,” Roman muttered, pulling his sweatshirt off over his head and throwing it on a chair. “It’s more comfortable, at least. We could watch something.”

“You have a lot of Disney movies,” Virgil noted, looking at the bookshelf near the TV. Roman nodded.

“Disney is the best!” he declared grandly. “Do you want to watch something? Or talk?” they undoubtedly had questions. Roman could tell they just had no idea how to ask.

“We wouldn’t want to force you to tell us anything,” Dee said slowly. “But…”

“Yeah.” Roman sighed, flopping onto the couch next to them. “So, first off. I never… had anything against you guys. Ever. Then on my birthday, ah, you know what a phantom pain is?”

“The basics.” Virgil murmured.

“Your writing wasn’t painful,” Roman promised. “It just felt weird. And whenever I get that… phantom limb… thing, it freaks me out and pisses me off. And that just made my thoughts go nuts when I realized I couldn't write to you very easily.” He avoided their eyes, staring at the ceiling as he spoke. “I kinda just spiraled and decided I was the worst soulmate possible and decided never to write back.”

“Dude, that sucks.” Virgil groaned sympathetically. “It must feel so weird - I mean, it feels weird and I have both my arms. I’m so fucking sorry…”

“It’s not your fault you’re left-handed.” Roman pointed out. “And I’ve… kinda gotten used to it. If my parents weren’t so worried about me all the time, I’d be at college by now and living a regular life. Can’t change anything about it now, anyway.”

“Why are your parents worried?” Dee asked incredulously.

“Uh,” Roman looked at him and chuckled. “They’ve been worried about me since I was twelve and lost my arm, Dee. They don’t ask me to do anything, ever. It sucks. And when they found out about the whole thing with soulmates, it just made it worse. They wouldn’t even think about letting me move to a dorm in the city, much less out of state.”

“Well,” Virgil slowly smiled. “You’ve met us now. Why don’t you move in with me and Dee? We literally just got an apartment.”

“Yeah, I figured when I overheard your lightbulb argument.” Roman chuckled. Virgil flushed, folding his arms. “I’m not sure what they’d think. I definitely want to get out of here…”

“Might as well ask,” Dee suggested, starting to play with Roman’s hair. Roman smiled thoughtfully, staring at the ceiling again.

“I guess it can’t hurt.”

* * *

“Roman.”

Roman groaned, burying his face further in the pillow. 

“Roman, god, you’ve been sleeping for ages!” another pillow smacked the back of his head gently. “You’re gonna make us all late.”

“M’tired.” Roman insisted, reaching backward blindly to try and grab the pillow. Virgil took advantage of that and grabbed his hand, pulling him over onto his back. “Virge! No fair!”

“If you make us late for class, I’ll cut off your other arm.” Virgil held the pillow threateningly.

“What is taking you two so long?” Dee complained, poking his head in. “Roman, why are you still in bed?!”

“I need beauty sleep!” Roman sat up unhappily. “We’ll be fine. Honestly, you two worry too much.”

“You don’t worry enough.” Virgil countered, getting off the bed and grabbing his hoodie. “Come on, Princey. I thought you were excited to start college.”

“Not at…” Roman squinted at the clock. “Early morning time!”

“Deal with it.”

“Fiiiine.” Roman groaned dramatically, walking over to the closet. “Only because I love you.” 

“You’re both ridiculous.” Dee sighed, leaning on the doorway. “Why do I put up with either of you?”

“My good looks.” Roman joked, pulling on a t-shirt. “And Virgil’s cooking skills.”

“Wh- I have good looks too!” Virgil cried indignantly. Roman laughed, reaching over to mess up Virgil’s hair. “Hey!”

“I’ll leave you both behind if you don’t hurry up,” Dee said, turning and walking away from the bedroom.

“Wh- one sec!” Virgil grabbed his backpack, then slung Roman’s over his shoulder, where it promptly slipped off again. Roman rolled his eyes, picking it up. 

“Nice.”

“It was gravity’s fault, not mine.” Virgil stuck out his tongue, hurrying after Dee. Roman smiled fondly, following them both out to the living room.

“You love us too much to leave us behind.” he teased, elbowing Dee gently.

“True, but not too much to tell you to hurry up.” Dee pulled the door open. “We’ll grab breakfast on the way - we need to wake up earlier next time.”

“Yeah right.”

“Roman’s not the only one who oversleeps.” Dee pointed out. Virgil made a face, then smiled when Roman kissed him.

“Fine, but only if we get breakfast at McDonald's.”

“Deal.” Dee laughed as they piled into his car and he started the engine. “You two better get buckled.”

“Same to you, overlord of the car,” Virgil added.

“Watch your tone when addressing me.” Dee joked back, faking haughtiness. Roman smiled, leaning forward to turn on the radio. 

He loved this.

**Author's Note:**

> whadda ya think? I've had this idea in my brain for a while now, and finally decided to write it out! I love soulmate AUs, and I love happy endings! and I also love angst. So, I love combining them!  
> I'd love to hear your thoughts! <3  
> Love you all,  
> -Coby


End file.
